The Week in Review

My bestie and I often say to each other, a lot can change in 24 hours.  I find myself thinking this thought as I sit down to type this update. A lot has changed since I put out the call for help.  I’ve had a doctors appointment, I’ve rehomed my foster dog, my fridge has easy to make food in it, my house is clean. I have a walker….

37 years old and I have a walker.  Before I had the walker I felt like I was either a baby learning how to walk, so wobbly and sometimes I’d lose my balance, or a little old lady that was doing her best to not break a hip.  The good news is, my bones are still strong. These last couple of months have proven that. The bad news is, I’m walking with a walker. Not that I’m not grateful for it, it’s a pimped out walker, with wheels and a basket.  No I’m frustrated because I came to this point. That doesn’t help. There isn’t any point in beating myself up for the predicament I find myself in. Better to focus all my attention on the goal of being able to get up easily and walk with confidence to my destination.  I dream of running, skipping, and jumping. I’ll get there. It took months to get to this place so it will take some time to get out of it.

My doctor’s appointment went well.  I had a cane at that point, and honestly I can get by with a cane, I just don’t have one currently so there is that (I had borrowed my grandma’s).  I’ll have to keep reminding myself of that fact. I haven’t lost anymore weight over the past five weeks. I still weigh 82 pounds. Ouch. I haven’t weighed this much since, well maybe 8th grade.  Still I celebrate the victory that I have stopped the decline and by the next appointment I’m setting the goal of having put on five pounds.

With the donations to my healing fund I’ve received so far I’m able to start CBD treatment.  This isn’t your usual CBD. It’s from Sunshine Global and it’s 7500 mg per dose. It’s designed for people like me and currently there are three other patients on it and they are responding to the treatment.  At the very least I’m hoping it will help me sleep better and deal with any anxiety I may have. Resolving these two things will help my body heal. Sleep is so important to the healing process. We’ll start with this treatment and add others as needed.  There is something called SAM Sequenced Amino Acid Modulation Therapy which we can add to the protocol if we don’t see the response we hope for with the CBD. It’s not cheap or covered by insurance, but it may be the next step. We shall see.

I’m also moving forward with having my stool (fine, poop) tested.  This is something I’ve been wanting to do. From your stool you can determine a number of things, like do you have the proper gut bacteria or do you have parasites to name a few.  The thought of having parasites creeps me out. I’m hoping we’ll get some valuable information. I haven’t opened the box yet. We’ve all peed in a cup, but how many of us have needed to provide a stool sample.  The only time I’ve provided a stool sample is when my vet asked for my dogs stool. I expect the process to be interesting and I hope that the post office handles my package with care. I don’t think they’ll want to squish it.  

I want to thank everyone for their donations whether it was financial, time, food, or love.  The outpouring I’ve received has lifted me up. I have a friend that is coming once a week at least and she’s a godsend.  I hardly have the energy to take care of myself. Getting into the kitchen to get a glass of water is a chore. Funny how we take things for granted, even when you’re sick.  I want to thank everyone for not making me feel like a burden and for telling me I only need to ask. It’s getting easier to do exactly that.

My family has gathered around me.  My aunts came and cleaned my apartment while my dad took me to my doctors appointment.  I came home to a wonderful smelling home. My home hasn’t been this clean in months, and while I’m sad to see my Lovie go (my foster dog), my home will stay cleaner for it.  Another of my aunts dropped by to leave me some food and she plans to return next week as I start my CBD treatment.

The CBD treatment can cause a person to go into detox.  Since I live alone it would be best if I had people here as I start the process helping to ensure I get food and water in me.  One of the reasons I ended up where I am is because when I didn’t feel well I slept and didn’t eat much. I can’t let that happen again.  

My apartment lease is coming up for renewal and I’m hoping to stay here.  It’s one of my motivations to improve my health quickly. I can move in with my mom, dad, or grandma,  but honestly I like my own space. Right now I take baths at all hours of the night to relax and relieve pain.  I don’t have to worry about disturbing anyone, or anyone disturbing me. This is my healing environment, but it will be what it will be.  I can’t rush the process, only flow with it. As much as I may wish it to be otherwise. In a perfect world, I’d have help coming in on a daily basis so I can live on my own.  

The highlight of my week was a delivery from Amazon.  I bought a cover for my bathtub overflow drain. I can now fill my bathtub to the brim and the water doesn’t drain out.  It’s made my week. The best $7 I’ve spent in a long time.

I’m still working on keeping myself focused.  At night it’s the worse when I’m having trouble sleeping.  At that point my mind starts to get the better of me. I’m exhausted and it uses that time to scare the shit out of me.  Or I have random songs play through my head. I’ve noticed that lately. It’s probably a good thing since it means I’m not focused on anything bad, but I was surprised the other night when Metallica was playing in my brain.  “Now I lay me down to sleep, Pray the lord my soul to keep, And if I die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take. Hush little baby don’t say a word, Nevermind that noise you heard, It’s just the beast under your bed, In your closet, In your head.”  I’ve never been a big fan of Metallica. I suppose the words just seemed fitting as I struggled with sleep. To contrast that, I’ve also had “Lou, Lou, skip to my lou” that’s end up on repeat as well.

So that’s where I am.  Well kinda of. It’s what I can currently put into words.  I find myself uncomfortable and bored, but I’m still here and working my way back to health.  I want to just snap my fingers and be healed. I want a miracle healing like some people have experienced, but my path appears to be different.  So I’ll trust it and keep walking it and see where it takes me.

Until then, be golden.  

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