Hello Golden Ones,
It’s time for an update. It’s an update I’ve been putting off because I don’t like the place I’ve found myself in. Since the beginning of summer I have been struggling with my health. It goes back even further to last summer, but everything was rather manageable until this past July. It’s been a slow decline, one that I tried to ignore and counter, but it would seem that most of my efforts have been in vain.
This past July I found myself with horrible pains in my legs. Pains so bad I could hardly walk. I spent most of July sleeping, resting, meditating, and watching marathon after marathon on Netflix. My mind and body appeared to be in rebellion. While I dreamed of a summer full of adventures, almost all of my adventures required the use of my imagination while I laid in bed or on the couch.
There has been a lot of good that has come out of this. My family has been wonderful. I have struggled for years with letting my family in. My parents divorced when I was fifteen and for twenty years I hung onto the anger, especially anger at my mom. While I had dealt with much of this emotion in the last couple of years I still had a difficult time asking for help. Over the course of a couple of decades I had convinced myself that it was my job to take care of everyone else. Suddenly I discovered that I couldn’t take care of myself any longer. My apartment building has steps that I am having difficulty (still to this day) climbing. This means I can’t even do my own laundry as the laundry is on the first floor and I’m on the second. There are twelve steps between me and the laundry room. Right now I can’t manage these twelve steps without the use of my arms. I literally have to pull myself up the steps using my arms… so carrying a laundry basket – yeah right.
I also lack the ability to carry my own groceries in or the ability to walk around the grocery store. Taking the dog out has resulted in no less than five falls over the course of the last couple of months. Luckily I have a wonderful neighbor who I finally asked if he would walk her. I still have to get her outside a few times a day, just so she can do her thing, but the poor girl needs exercise. At the end of the month she’s going to a new home. She’s been a foster since I got her and while I love her and will miss her, she needs someone more active than I am. Even on my good days before all this happen she’s needed more than I can give. I’m just hoping I can manage until the end of the month, otherwise she’ll have to wait at the shelter for her new person to get back from Iceland.
Yesterday I fell in my apartment as I was walking from one room to another. All of a sudden I lost my balance and next thing I know I’m on the floor. I’ll be honest that scared me. Really scared me. It’s probably why I’m finally writing this update.
With all of this people are probably wondering what am I doing? How can I possibly think I’m getting better?
I may not be able to walk very well at the moment and I may still have days were leg and back pain keep me awake all night, most of my other issues have disappeared. I no longer have a cough and shortness of breath that has troubled me for two years. My energy levels are improving greatly even on the days where little sleep is found. A number of different issues no longer bother me only they have been replaced by one very big issue. One I believe may have more to due to with dietary changes, possible past treatment options, and a very vulnerable emotional state I dealt with over the last year.
Earlier this year I started taking a mushroom extract supplement. It’s used in Japan and China as a chemotherapy, only without all the harsh side effects, unless your name is Tarryn. I find that I lose my appetite, something that isn’t good for me. I have the opposite problem of a lot of people. I can’t seem to keep weight on. I gain weight if I eat fast food, hamburgers, french fries, cheez-its, and pop, but a diet of these foods can give you cancer. Since going vegetarian a couple of years ago I’ve struggled with my weight, because I ate healthy vegetarian, meaning I avoided processed and sugary foods. Then this past spring I removed dairy and eggs from my diet. I became mainly plant based – I can’t say vegan because I still used butter, but to me it’s splitting hairs anyway. There is a lot of information out their about dairy being harmful to us, but when I cut out the dairy and the eggs I went through quite the experience. At first I thought it was a detox, but now at this point I’m not sure. I had been tested for an allergy to dairy and I don’t have one, but a connection between dairy and breast cancer has been found, plus I truly dislike our factory farming process.
I do think that the mushroom extract was needed, but I recently discontinued it. I believe my body needs a break for now. It’s told me quite clearly (I’ll spare you the gory details). I am taking a CBD extract which is another alternative treatment option for breast cancer. I’ve added eggs back into my diet and I’m debating adding dairy back as well, in limited quantities. I’m also open to trying small amounts of meat, and recently made a bone broth to help give my body the nutrients I’m concerned it’s been lacking for a while.
I’ve spent so much time concerned about the fuel I give my body, that I’ve become stressed out. Now I’m focusing on conscious eating. I’ve discovered that some people don’t produce a certain amino acid that is found in animal products. This doesn’t mean I’m scarfing down cheeseburgers… they really don’t appeal, but local raised, organic meats are something I’ll consider and also wild game. I believe the bigger issue with our meat consumption is the sheer quantity (at pretty much every meal) and our factory farming. These are what most of us eat and what the studies are based upon. Regardless based upon my current situation I believe I fall into the category of some vegans that have a need for more taurine or other amino acids that I most likely am not getting enough of in my plant based diet. Something needs to change and so here I am, changing. There are tests that can be performed but they aren’t covered by insurance (they range from $200 to $500).
I find myself needing to go to the doctors on a regular basis and my doctor isn’t covered by insurance. If you remember I fired my oncologist since all they had was chemo, radiation, and more cancer causing drugs. Now I find myself thinking that it may be time for me to try new types of treatment. I have a doctor’s appointment on Thursday and I’ll be asking about a nutritionist (generally these are not covered by insurance), and if I’m not improving in the next couple of months then I’ll be looking into some treatment facilities. There is one in Florida, but it’s not cheap (early research puts it at $6000 and that doesn’t include travel). There is another practice in California that will do long distance consults, but again, they aren’t cheap.
My main issue at this point is funding. I need some help. My CBD extract cost $200 dollars and it last for about a month. My doctor costs another $120. I take a number of different supplements – Flax oil, Indole 3 Carbinol, Vitamin D, and I’m looking into a new one called HMB which helps to rebuild and repair your muscle mass. There is a stronger CBD treatment that is recommended for cancer treatment, but it cost $600 a month and I can’t afford that, but I refuse to die because of lack of money so I’m reactivating my GOFUNDME account and I’m asking that you please help me.
I made a choice last fall… I decided that I needed my own place to heal. I moved into my own apartment and for the last twelve months I have done a beautiful job supporting myself, but it also means that I don’t have any extra for money for treatment. This was the right choice for me because my healing has required peace. It’s been another aspect of my healing. I had never lived on my own before. I had gone from my parents, to buying a house with my boyfriend (who became my husband), to living with my brother during the divorce, to living with another boyfriend. I had to make a choice on a place to live and being able to afford additional treatments. It wasn’t an easy decision to make. Yet, I realized that I needed to do this. I needed to discover who I am. I’m still doing that. My family has helped pick up some of the costs. My best friend is constantly buying my medical marijuana and probiotics along with so many other little things. My dad recently bought my Epson salt and protein powder. Just to give you some examples.
I’ve had to put my business ventures on hold. I’ve had to stop my coaching services and I haven’t made it to my writers group in months (I really miss that). Even my Healing and Wellness Support Group has been put on hold. My healing has to come first.
So there it is. I’m currently struggling, yet I feel that the reward is right around the corner. I just need some help. I need to be able to afford my treatments, I need to be able to afford blood and other testing not covered by my insurance. I need to ask more people for help. I need to swallow my pride and say, nope, that didn’t do it time to change the plan of action and for that I need your help. Please, if you can, donate to my cause. Any little bit will help. I also be looking into donations through paypal since GoFundMe does take a portion of your donation. Please don’t let that stop you from donating! Help me relieve some of the stress I find myself with. No one should have to worry about money while they work to heal their body and be a beneficial part of this world.
My blog will be changing slightly. It’s still Getting Golden, but it’s about to get more personal. My struggles, feelings, victories and defeats are going to be published here. It’s where you can keep track of my progress. They may not always be my best writing, because I admit there are days where getting out of bed is difficult (okay right now getting up at all is difficult), but I want to share this experience. Maybe that’s what the plan was the whole time… I honestly have no idea, I’m just winging it. Let’s see where this next part of the adventure takes us.
Wish me luck… or maybe better yet, wish me love, light, and healing.
Here is the link to my Go Fund Me:
Here is the link to my Paypal Account: