Sometimes I forget that cancer is just a blip on my journey. I actually typed, blimp, first and maybe that’s a bit more accurate. It’s larger than a blip, but still only a fraction of my story. I was recently reminded that cancer is just a catalyst in my life. It comes around to get me moving. It arrives as a motivator to push me to live. It’s the means to an end.
This big scary disease arrives like an answer to a prayer, or to help me manifest the life I want. It arrives, and magic enters my life. Cancer and magic. The only problem is that Cancer is a powerful idea. There are so many beliefs that come with cancer. It’s easy to get lost in the energy that surrounds it. Cancer is big business. When it arrives most people no matter what they believe, will go through the doors of big business and half of them will die in there.
That was my path the first time. Obviously, I survived it. I never really focused on the thought that I wouldn’t. It helped that the drugs made it hard to think. That and I wanted to live. I had been asking for something to come along and make me change. I needed something big.
Well, I got big. It was the first time I recognized that I didn’t get to pick and choose how things came into my life. Set the intention and be prepared to follow the path that opens in front of you. This is the thing that we often miss in our lives. We get distracted by the event and the emotions that arrive with it and overlook how it gets us closer to our desires.
Fast forward five years and I’m still clinging to the path most taken. I’m resisting the transformation I know I need to make. When you go down the list of things that promote health – good food, sleep, releasing suppressed emotions, not suppressing emotions, finding true joy, having a purpose, reducing stress, following your intuition, embracing your spiritual connection, taking control of your health, and having a supportive network – I was failing on all counts. It was like I forgot that cancer existed.
Only I hadn’t. My intuition knew exactly what was going on. At one point I even said to my best friend, “I almost think it would be easier if I had cancer”. In this world we’ve created it’s easy to fall into the consuming flow. It easy to rationalize working at an unfulfilling job or staying in a bad relationship. Even with a deadly disease our society doesn’t recognize how big of an impact these things have on our well-being. Your doctor doesn’t ask you if you hate your job when you get heart disease. He prescribes you a pill. And most of us take it and return to work acting like we don’t know the issue is deeper. We’ve been brainwashing ourselves for years, but that only works on our thinking brain, the emotional brain it keeps making us sick.
Within a year of making that statement to my bestie, my old friend cancer returned, and I had all the leverage I needed to start making changes. From resigning my corporate job, changing my diet, and following my intuition were the first changes, but only the first. I would have a lot of work in front of me.
When cancer reappeared it once again created a pathway to my desires. I could focus on the fact that it’s CANCER and people can die from it. In fact, sometimes that’s exactly what I do focus on. I forget that it appeared and helped me create a better life. That it’s part of the magic woven into my life. I had asked for a different life. In my journal I dreamed of a job that I could work from anywhere and the ability to create my own schedule. The job allowed me to be passionate and creative and spend my time doing things I love like reading, writing, researching, and creating stories.
Guess what I do now?